Could Someone Hit the Switch, Please?

Erik, and his pneumonia, have been home now for 2 weeks straight. I took Joseph to the doctor on Wednesday, the 1st of December, and he too has pneumonia. He has now been home for a week and a half (half of that was Thanksgiving break, but a week of it was days missed from school, and he missed his 1st band concert). James has joined the fray, with a nasty cough, a fever, and an aching ear. Even sick, he's still James though, and has a ton more energy than the rest of us. When the energy burns down, then he looks and acts sick, and he cuddles up on my lap, and lets me hold him, and kiss his hot forehead. We've had a lot of kindnesses, well wishes, and prayers sent our way, and we appreciate so much the thoughtfulness of everyone. So many friends have asked us how they can help. There's really not anything that anyone can do. We're just trying to keep the boys well rested, well hydrated, warm, and on schedule with their antibiotics. I probably sound flippant most of the time, about their being sick, but in truth it scares me. Joseph's fever should have broken by now, since he's been on antibiotics for 5 days, but it just keeps persisting. I'll need to take him to the doctor tomorrow to find out what's going on. And although Erik is doing better, no fever anyway, he's just still so tired - he and Joseph both. I feel so discouraged. It's the Christmas season, and I should be filled with hope & joy, but I feel despair - despair that someday pneumonia will rob me of both my boys - not this time, but I know that it will always be lurking around waiting to claim them. And despair that the issues with James (not his fever & earache), but the other day to day things that we deal with, will never get better - that no matter what I do to help him, that those issues will rob both he and I of the joy in living. I get glimmers of hope, tiny feelings of peace, but they're fleeting, and they are dashed by his behavior, almost as quickly as they come. Yes, I'm still taking my Zoloft. Yes, I know that I always feel depressed this time of year. Yes, I know that the darkness doesn't last, that the light will come back, that the warmth will return. I know! But still . . . it's so dark, and I can't seem to find the light switch. Maybe tomorrow will be better! All I can do is hope . . .