There's a Smile on His Face

Mid-February James began a new medication,

and within two days we were all shocked

by the James that emerged.
He's happy.
He's loving.
He's helpful and kind.
He still has some things that are very difficult for him-
and a bunch of behavioral habits from the past 9 years,
but still . . .
there's a light in the eyes,
and when I look in,
I see that James is home.

There's a Shift in the Sand Tray

 Creepy crawlies galore,

BUT

look at the love between them.

It seems that even those

who destroy or hurt others

can feel love.

THAT

is a good revelation!

James turns Nine

 Happy 9th Birthday, James!

 We love you so much!

Resolution #1 - Get Healthy

Different people . . . 

different New Year's resolutions . . .

Jalen Andrew-

Get healthy by stealing the salad,

and eating it all.

No salad dressing.

No sharing.

And no fork either.

James-

Take climbing the trees to new heights.

Everyday.  All day long.

Without fear.

Without any bothersome leaves.

And without shoes.

Sockin' Around the Christmas Tree

 Socks are often flung around our residence, and

this one of Jalen Andrew's actually became part

of our holiday decor.

It made me laugh every time I saw it,

so it remained on the tree through Christmas.

 Jalen Andrew was SO thrilled to get a new big boy bike 

for Christmas -

in fact, he stole the camera from me,

and took about 10 pictures of the bike,

including close-ups of the pedals, the reflector, the seat, etc.

 As James' mood has been quite unpredictable lately,

we weren't sure what the excitement of Christmas morning

would do to him,

but he had a good Christmas, 

and was, for the most part, happy.

Yep, Joseph is officially discarding the "need"

for toys, or at least little boy toys.

His wish list, and his Christmas morning haul,

included a bow and arrow and a slingshot.

James at his Finest

 James portrayed a little pig

in a play at school,

and he did such a TERRIFIC job!

 He sang a solo,

and was very engaged in the play.

I was extremely proud of him!

 So, this is where we find James

most of the time,

nowadays, 

up in our mulberry trees.

It has become his place to burn off energy.

Every year the kids participate in the

Christmas Reindeer Run.

Running isn't necessarily James forte,

but he held his own this year -

he kept running and did not come in with the last runners.

I'm proud of you, James!

Hablo espanol. Tu?

So, the kids have been watching Veggie Tales

The Toy that Saved Christmas

lately,

and there is a part in the movie where

the grandpa tells his granddaughter

that she needs to get to sleep,

or else she'll be pooped in the morning (Christmas morning).

The boys thought the phrase was hilarious,

and James repeated that phrase over and over again.

Tired of hearing it one day,

I let the wind out of his sails 

when I explained how the word pooped 

was actually used

in that context.

Mission accomplished.

James quit saying the phrase,

since it had no humorous properties anymore.

A few days later,

while we were driving,

Jalen Andrew said the phrase to elicit

a reaction from James.

In all seriousness, James responded,

a little annoyed by his brother's ignorance in the matter,

"You know, Jalen Andrew, when he says "pooped," 

he doesn't mean what you're thinking.  

He's just using the Spanish word to say "really tired."

Now that, really set us off laughing!

Christmas is Coming . . .

Joseph as Joseph.

James as a sheep, 

and I might add,

he took his role quite seriously.

James conversing with Santa.

Joseph not ready to give up the magic of Christmas yet.

Even Erik gets into the holiday spirit.

What did you say?

Oh, yes, we do have another boy in the family.

Well, you see,

Jalen Andrew opted out of being an angel in the pageant,

afraid of everyone looking at him,

and instead of sitting on Santa's lap

(which obviously is a traumatic experience)

he insisted on coming with me to pick up his

sister from work.

Oh well, he'll think that it's fun, one of these days.

You Better Not Pout

Christmas season-

yes, it's stressful-

yes, the kids get sick-

yes, there are too many decisions to make,

but still,

there should be some peace to it.

Right?

Nothing has really changed around here.

Little steps of progress for James,

but then he says something like . . . 

You better not pout

You better not cry

It won't hurt at all

to die.

and we all let out another sigh of exhaustion.

Please don't judge him;

he just has bigger issues than most of us,

and don't misinterpret why I even posted what he said.

I just want to remember.

If things get better, 

if things stay the same, or get worse...

I just want to remember

what he's living through,

what we're all living through.

All Things Halloween

Most of my kids use the stickers that Grandma and Grandpa Tober

send in the mail, to decorate their journal pages.

Not Jalen Andrew.

His stickers are for self-decoration.

(and he's not too thrilled for it to be documented on film!)

And what is October without 

 our  Oktoberfest.

I usually don't buy the ready to bake cookie dough, 

but this year, I was just looking for a quick way

to have a little fun with the kids.

Who knew that the cut-out masks on the back

would be almost the best part.

Our church's Trunk or Treat

didn't fall on Halloween this year . . .

the boys had a great time -

and then went trick-or-treating

again on Halloween -

the benefit of being the younger kids, 

is that there are plenty of left over costumes,

so they chose to be different characters . . .
introducing . . . 

Darth Spider

or 

Spider Vader.

Soc it to Them

I've finally made the plunge,

and added a little more chaos to our lives.

I've signed Joseph and James up for soccer - 

and YES, their practices and their games,

are at different locations, 

and sometimes at the same time.

Thanks to my life-saving friend, Suzi, we are managing.

Both boys are enjoying it - 

and learning that winning isn't everything.

It's fun to watch them play,

and to do their best.

What a Pain in the Glass

I really don't do tongue in cheek,
expressions that closely resemble swearing.
I just don't.
But this one just fit too perfectly.
And quite frankly,
I'm in a bit of a mood right now.

I can't believe I didn't take a picture of it, either.
Maybe, it was just too painful of a reminder
to take a picture.
But the story is . . .
James got mad. 
James was scared inside. 
James felt frustrated.
And when he finally retreated outside,
I locked the door,
so that I could take care of Jalen Andrew's needs,
which would then give me time and space
to take care of James'.
On a conscious level,
he would have known that he wasn't locked out -
that all he had to do was knock,
when he felt calm again -
that I was right there in the kitchen
watching him and keeping him safe,
but he wasn't functioning from a conscious level
right then.
He was stuck deep in a primal area
of his brain
that told him to freeze, fight or take flight.
He chose to fight,
so he picked up a badminton racket,
and began hitting the windows.
I think that the intensity that he exerted,
even suprised himself,
especially when the window broke,
and the sound of tinkling glass graced the moment.
The bright side?
It was a double pained window,
and he only broke through the first pain.
The other side of it?
The pain he feels inside is still there;
it is real, and it hurts, and
he hasn't been able to break through that yet.
Yet is the key word,
for he will break through,
and I'll be there to pick up the pieces.

It Bites to Be the Black Widow

I love spiders.
You can thank my brother for that.
I chase down black widows,
with a flashlight and a bottle of soapy water;
you can thank my father for that.
I may have even chosen Black Widow as a nickname for myself,
back in college,
signifying that I seemed to kill every good relationship that I had
- which left me feeling both black (depressed) and widowed (lonely).

It hurts though, to have James,
week after week,
picking 7 spiders,
and the spider signifying me is always the

BIG, BLACK, ugly black widow,

who towers over everyone else.

Is that really how he sees me?

A monster that scares everyone away?

Positive Note?

He did give the black widow a home this week,

a large, plastic spider web.

Mama Black Widow loomed on her web,

her little darling spiders gathered around her,

with one spider lost, adrift, and far from the "happy" spider family

- a solitary spider, alone

in its' corner of the sand tray.

I'm sorry, James.

I'm sorry that you feel alone.

Mama Spider wants you to come home,

safe, secure, and attached to the web.

I promise I won't eat you.

And can I please be a Wolf Spider instead?

A BIG, STRONG Mama Wolf Spider,

that carries her babies,

ALL of her babies on her back.

I love you, James.

Not Until You're Dead

Some kids, when you ask them to pick up their shoes, might answer,

"In a minute. I'm busy right now."

"Do I have to?"

"They're fine where they are!"

"Ugh. Moan. Grumble, grumble."

"Your shoes are out. Why do I have to put mine away?"

"I don't want to. I'm too tired."

I thought I had heard the majority of the variations of, "No,"

UNTIL . . . James answered,
"Not until you're dead."

Nice. Thanks.
Ahh, the benefits of loving someone with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Forget the Apple!

My Mom always told me, when I had a loose tooth,

"Just go bite into an apple, and see if it comes out." Well . . . James has been babying his 2nd loose tooth for quite some time now.

He won't let us look at. He won't let us touch it. He definitely won't let us wiggle it, and he has no inclination to bite into an apple.

So . . . he did the next best thing. He bit my leg! And . . .

The tooth came out. And wouldn't you know it . . . it's all my fault, according to him, for having such a hard leg.

So sorry.

Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Back to School We Go

After the summer we've had . . .

Ahhhhhh. School's back in session!

We did have a little reprieve these past few weeks, since we put James in a summer daycare program.

Now . . . Let the fun begin . . . taxi service, after school activities, appointments, homework, no sleep