Mixed Blessings

It's a challenge and a blessing having James in the hospital. It is hard to leave the other kids at dinnertime to go and spend time with James. It is hard to leave James at bedtime, to take care of the other kids. It is hard to re-arrange our schedule, take time out of our evening, and drive in traffic, and then have James not really care that we're there. It is amazing how quiet the house is without him here. Joseph laments that it is too quiet and too boring without James. I agree, and I miss him terribly. However, with his absence, we've been able to talk to each other, watch a movie together, and go to sleep without worry about what he is doing. Life has felt normal, and happy, in a way that it hasn't for a very long time. I knew things were out of kilter, and yet, I've been too close to the forest to see the trees. With the stress of his mood swings out of the home, for the moment, I now realize just how chaotic life has been. I'm utilizing my time to take some really deep breaths.